The first thing I should mention is that at Goodreads, you can enter to win a free copy of The Thorn and the Blossom. You can enter until November 30th, so go sign up! Because you never know, and if you don’t sign up, you can’t win.
The second thing I should mention is that I just don’t feel like writing today. This past week I’ve been through one of the worst experiences in the world: being terribly hurt by someone you thought was a good friend. Someone you’d been there for and supported, even when it was incredibly difficult to do so. Someone you’d respected and cared for, until suddenly you couldn’t respect him anymore. And you started wondering if you’d known him at all.
So I’ve been thinking about what you do in a situation like that, how you handle it. Because I think we reveal ourselves most in times of hurt and anger, in times of stress. And I think the only thing we can do, in times like those, is forgive and let go. To forget the hurtful things that were said, to remember the wonderful things. The friendship, the affection, the laughter. The private references that no one else is going to understand. The talking about stories, the trading of music. What the two of you had together that neither of you will ever have with anyone else.
And you move on and remind yourself how fortunate you are: to have an incredible community of friends all over the world, to be able to pursue the creative work you love, to have a book coming out in January.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the future, and where I want it to take me. And it seems to me that, for the first time in a long time, the future is wide open. I’ve finished the PhD, so I have the credentials I’ll need to teach at the university level, and I’m publishing regularly. It’s scary too because I don’t know where the future will take me yet. I don’t know where to go from here. But I have a feeling, just the beginning of a feeling, that I’m headed somewhere – I don’t know where yet. It’s as though I’m waiting for an indication, some sort of sign. Is that silly? And yet it’s worked for me before.
I do know one thing: I want a magical life. I was thinking about that when I saw an article on this house under a hill in Wales:
Isn’t it beautiful? I don’t necessarily want a house under a hill, but I want to live differently. I don’t know where I’ll find that life yet. I’m not even sure what it’s going to look like – I just know how it feels when the magic happens. But I’m sure I’ll get there.
Theodora, I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt, but I’m glad you’re looking at the situation and seeing the freedom it’s given you. I hope the pain fades quickly and that the scars won’t prevent you from being vulnerable again.
I’m sorry about what has happened. Thank you for sharing what to do in such a situation – I needed to read that just now.
On another note – that house looks straight out of a fairy tale illustration. If you said it was built by carving out a hill with the help of some elves, I’d have no trouble believing it.
You are an incredible writer, a magical thinker, you’ve finished your education, you can teach, you have this beautiful child, you are healthy and young. Do not take any of this for granted. Your life is so rich that you can forgive and forget, just let go, and move on.
There are some of us who have less possibilities than you. There, I said it. I am one of them.
Don’t waste another minute…..
*a million hearts*
Thank you for sharing that with us.
It may be difficult to forget hurtful words, but forgiveness is best. It’s one of those realignments of
life we have to put in the lifelong learning category. Everyone I have had to deal with has their
own story. One of the reasons I love Shakespeare plays is that nobody is totally right or wrong.
Well, except for Iago I guess.
Lovely entry as always. Thanks for the wisdom. I wish people as wonderful as you were spared from such ordeals, but I suppose we all have to suffer through them in our lives… your reminder to be thoughtful is a balm to my soul and a very good thing for me to take to heart right now!
A magical life can seem like such an impossible dream living where and when we do, but I’m glad you’re never going to give up on it, and neither will I. HEART. Gorgeous pictures!!!
Forgiveness and gratitude are, I believe, the two most powerful forces on this planet. Put them together and you’ve got ‘love’.
Late in reading this post, but thanks so much for sharing the photos! That second one is, nearly literally, what I saw in my head years ago when a therapist did a guided meditation with me and asked me to find a place I felt safe, the very safest I’ve ever felt. It was a home beneath a tree in the ground, and it looked almost exactly like that photo. I nearly cried just now seeing the picture for the first time.